Raffle!

In two weeks, we will be raffling off three of the Never Alone t-shirts!

How do you get an entry into the raffle? There are multiple ways!

Add our button to your blog: 1 Entry.

Write about us on your blog: 1 Entry

Post a link to our blog on Facebook/Twitter: 1 Entry

For every $15 donated: 1 Entry

If you post about us on a social network, please leave a comment below with a link, so we can add you to the raffle! Then in two weeks, Tabitha will be picking out three lucky winners!

Good luck!

{Guest Post} Tiny Life

My name is Brittany and I interned at NDFH from August through November of 2011. I didn’t know Paige well, but I did have the privilege of seeing her sweet face in passing, here and there, as she was swaddled and held protectively close by her nannies. She was a princess--delicate, beautiful, fragile, and very loved. The news of her death was hard to comprehend. It was shocking; surreal. I didn’t know what to do, but I started writing and His words calmed my heart:

Tiny life--
so fragile, yet so strong.
Those little hands--
not holding much, but our hearts.
Those tiny lips--
not saying much, but, “I love you,”
showed through those dark eyes.
Only here for Spring, Summer—
Fall had just begun.
And the Winter of our hearts is bitter--
the blustering of death hits the face like icicles.
There is no choice but for Spring to come again,
and it does,
in the warm tears that show the value of a few days lived.
For just as our Savior came lowly and forgotten,
so you came.
Just as He loved and inspired love,
so you did.
Just as He was embraced by His Father,
so you are now,
whole and healed,
and perfected in love.

Tears and Defibrillators

I sat in a Defibrillator training today and almost cried.

You see, a company donated this fantastic equipment recently, and just this week we have a pediatric cardiac nurse here volunteering, so she did a training. It was quite informative, and while I hope that I'm never ever in the position to have to shock a child's heart, I'm thankful that I at least know how to do it now.

So, what made me cry you may be wondering?

It was as she talked about a child's heart stopping. The days of fussiness... the quick heart rate... the loss of consciousness...

Of course I thought of Paige. Of how she was fussy for a week, with a fast heart-rate, until her heart ultimately stopped. And they couldn't start it again.

I started to ask myself, what if. What if we had the defibrillator that fateful Monday morning? What if she had been taken to the hospital when those subtle but serious signs of heart failure occurred.  What if she was still alive and waiting for me in the playroom today?

And asking the "what if's" filled my eyes with tears. Because asking the "what if's" hurts. And it's not healthy.

Asking "why?" is natural, but what if... that's doubting; doubting God's goodness, His power and His LOVE for my Paige.

So what should I be asking? I think that the answer is simple. I should be asking, "What now."

What should I do, now that my heart's been broken from loving Paige?
What should I do, now that she's gone? How should I react? How do I heal and what does that look like?
What do I do, now that I've seen the Father's love in this way - bittersweet. Beauty from the ashes.

Asking those questions opens old hurts, and it teaches new lessons.

What now? 
Lydia.
Tabitha.

Paige and Liu Yi are of the past. It sounds wrong, almost dishonoring to them to say this, but their lives are over. (And yet they've just begun in a beautiful way, if you think of it...) But Lydia and Tabitha's lives are TODAY. They are the now of this moment.

Would you consider making a donation to help fund their heart surgeries; to help brighten their now? Even just $10... it can go a long way, here, and if everyone who read this today were to donate just $10 dollars.... imagine what could happen!

Thank you for dreaming and for doing the impossible with me!

p.s. I talked to the nurse who gave the presentation afterwards, and we talked about Paige's case. Because of the severity of Paige's heart defect, the defibrillator probably would not have helped, and if she had been in the hospital when her heart stopped, the only thing that could have been done would have been emergency surgery. I think that My Jesus was saving her from that painful, scary situation. Because maybe she wouldn't have made it through surgery... and that would have been even harder.

A Nanny to them All

Has anyone read this touching post on the NDFH blog? It's about Susan, one of the nannies, who fought like a mother for a little orphan's life.

There's something else that's special about Susan. She was the nanny who took care of Liu Yi in the hospital when Lindsay went to help transfer the little angel to the heart hospital.

She was also the nanny who picked Paige up from the train station, stayed with her in the hospital while she was battling pneumonia, and ultimately chose this little pixie as her "favorite."

Today she's one of the nannies who cares for Lydia. 

I work with Susan, and I can see into her heart. It's beautiful. She loves each and every one of the children here with her whole heart. She fights for them and she grieves for them. Susan must love dangerously, it's the only way she could continue doing her job the way she does.

She lost Liu Yi. She lost Paige. She fought for and has saved her Little Blessing, and our hope and prayer is that she will not loose Lydia.

Help our hope come true.

The Prayer That Changed Everything.

“Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours.”

I remember praying that prayer when I was on the plane, headed to China. Oh, I had no idea what I was really asking, and how big that prayer really was. I had no idea that God would do it.

Hannah talked about in this post that there was a decision she had to make when Paige died. Whether to turn a deaf ear to God & decide he didn’t care, or to love Him. I would be lying if I told you that after Liu Yi died, I chose to love, and to trust that He is good. The truth is that I was so angry. I didn’t want to listen to God or anyone else talk about His love and His promises and His heart. I can’t tell you the number of times I cried out to him “I LOVED her. WHY didn’t you save her?”

Just like I asked, He broke my heart. But then he took my broken heart, and pieced it back together in the most beautiful way imaginable.

The day I heard Liu Yi wasn’t going to make it was my last day at the foster home. I had to say goodbye to Julia, another orphan at New Day who I had also fallen deeply in love with. She was a dwarf, with severe scoliosis, and needed a family to call her own. I looked at her that day, and I knew God was calling me to find her a family, and bring her home. So I made her a promise I had no idea how to keep. I bent down, looked her in the eye, and with tears pouring down my face I said, “I will see you soon.”

But heartbroken and angry with God, I had decided I was going to find a way to bring Julia home by myself. I told God I didn’t need His help. When I got back to America “I” found Julia a beyond incredible family who couldn’t wait to call Julia their daughter. “I” found an adoption agency willing to look for Julia’s paperwork. (It was really all God) And while I fought for Julia, God fought for my heart.

Julia’s family was able to receive Julia’s paperwork, but was met with an unexpected deadline of needing eleven thousand dollars in two weeks in order to move forward with the adoption. My church agreed to let me speak at 5 different services to try and raise the money. All I had to do was tell Julia’s story.

I couldn’t do it. My broken, hardened heart just couldn’t find the words. For three days I sat staring at a piece of paper, trying to write my speech. For three days I shut God out. Then two days before I would stand up in front of 4,000 people, I finally relented. I was so tired of being angry, so tired of trying to do it by myself. I talked to Him for the first time since Liu Yi had died.

“God, give me the words.” And He did.

They flowed from my fingertips onto the page, detailing Julia’s joy, my journey to her, and her need for a family in a way only a Father who desperately loved His child could. As I read over the speech, knowing the words were not mine but God’s, the pieces to my heart slowly began to be put back together. Forever changed, but for the better.

I gave my speech on a Saturday and Sunday. Monday, I got the call from my church. Not only had we raised the $11,000, we had raised enough for Julia’s entire adoption. Julia was coming home. I sank to the ground in the parking lot of my school and wept.

A year later, Julia walked through the airport doors onto American soil for the first time.

And this is what I learned: Through the good and the bad and tears and laughter and the things we can’t explain and the things we may never understand; He is good. Even through my anger and stubbornness, He pursued me. Even as I fought against Him, He held me in His arms. The same arms that are now holding Liu Yi. He keeps His promises and He loves and fights for His children until they come home to Him. He is Faithful. And if you allow Him to use you… through you, He will do the impossible.

Rough but Real

I almost don't want you to watch this video, after seeing Linday's. I know, I know... how selfish is that? Just because the video below is every definition of the words "rough" and "raw", doesn't mean that it isn't real. 

The sound may be muffled... the video blurred... the audio patchy at best, but that doesn't mean that what you're going to watch didn't come from my heart. It just means that I'm not a professional videographer and we couldn't find a quiet place to film and... yeah, I'll spare you the excuses.

But, and I'm biting my lip as I type this, please watch and share.

Loving Paige was hard. But I'd do it again.

Loving dangerously is painful, but it's so incredibly worth it.

This is a celebration. I'm celebrating Paige's life by fighting for Lydia's.

Will you celebrate with me?

15%

One week, $2,100

Lindsay and I are kind of amazed.

You see, we each had a burden to do something in honor of "our girls." I think that we each had the idea of providing another child's surgery in honor of the one that had changed our heart. But raising that kind of money is hard, if you're only one person.

So it was amazing that we each had the same idea, and now how that idea is coming to fruition. 

Initially we weren't going to try to raise the full amount. It just seem to large. Raising this kind of money is hard for even the two of us. Thankfully, and I think that I speak for both of us here, but I've learned that when God gives someone a task, no matter how impossible it is, He will complete it.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

I've heard so many times that God does not call the equipped, He equips the called.

So, another week, another $2,000? I think yes!

Let's do it for Lydia, and the hope of a healthily beating heart. Daily I see her weak body struggle to thrive. She doesn't even have the strength to smile, it seems.

And let's do it for Tabitha, who's life is already a miracle as you will find out next week.

Thank you, so much.

In Memory {Guest Post}

When Hannah told me about this blog project and asked me to contribute, I immediately thought of the post I wrote on my blog following the news that we had lost precious Paige. I still remember the pain associated with that email and those two important but heart-wrenching words: "in memory". I carry with me probably until I die a dull ache that is brought to the forefront wheneverI hear the name Paige. I dread the words "in memory" but I also cherish them. They carry so much pain and loss but also the joy that she was loved, that she was considered precious, that she was valued, that she will be remembered. I try to shield myself from pain and loss so I somewhat skimmed the email from Hannah. But as I have considered the goal of this project, I realized she is both honoring the memory of two precious gifts from On High but she is also fighting to prevent another email with the subject line "in memory". This is why I am sharing my thoughts on Paige; because Paige deserves to be remembered and because I do not want an email telling me to remember Tabitha or Lydia

*I lived in China and worked at ND for a year. Paige went to be cradled in her Maker's arms barely a week
after I returned to the States.*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I received an email I had been dreading for the past year, an email with the subject line that read “In Memory.” I learned on Tuesday, that one of the baby girls at the Foster  Home where I had worked had died. I spent the rest of the day in pain induced numbness. I could barely think, much less function. You see this precious little gift from above was very sick; it was just that she didn’t look it. She looked healthy, she was happy, she was beautiful and then suddenly, without warning she was gone. I barely knew her, I never got to hold her, but I did see her almost every day, and she was one of the babies that we all loved because they are ours, they have been entrusted to us and that means loving them unconditionally and fully.

It means putting our hearts on the line, because these children, despite their spunk and joy and smiles, are sick and many are walking miracles. Yet, I knew the risks. Yes, there were unbelievable miracles that had taken place and will still, but there was also pain. There were reminders all around the home of the gifts who were only here on earth for a short time. There was pain in the eyes of the volunteers and staff who had known the gifts that had been taken home earlier than we all wanted to see. There was an underlying knowledge that at any given moment something could go wrong, things had gone wrong, but miracles happened. Children survived what conventional wisdom said should have killed them. Despite the abundance of miracles, the knowledge remained that HE does not promise to save all; there is no guarantee that pain will never again enter the home.

I opened that email and read that a sick, but seemingly improving, little baby girl was never going to smile on this earth again. I still hurt, more than I truly expected. I can’t imagine the pain of those who knew her better.  But the truth is she was worth it.This is the lesson that I learned while in China; pain from separations is an inevitable part of life on this planet the question is: are you willing to risk it for the joy of knowing true love?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I am still learning this lesson. Ever since my Grandma died while I was in high school, I go out of my way to shield myself from the pain that comes through loss. Even when preparing to go to China, I refused to read the “in memory” section of the New Day website, and I forbade myself from considering the pain that might come if such an event were to occur while I was there. When Hannah’s email came regarding Paige’s upcoming birthday, I subconsciously shied away from truly considering the implications of that date. I immediately agreed to help with the project but refused to dwell on Paige’s birthday. Until March 18th. Sunday morning, I broke down and cried, because with her birth date staring me in face every time I saw my phone or a calendar, I could no longer deny its significance. I cried over this precious one’s life, I felt the grief again in my heart, the grief that will never fully end. I know she is with her Father, that HE sings over her songs of love, adoration and peace, songs that she could never fully appreciate here, but I also know that I hurt over her too brief life. I loved her and still do.

I love Lydia and Tabitha and although we as humans cannot save everyone, one (or in this case two) lives can be saved. It might seem like a small number in such a vast sea of pain but to those lives, it is invaluable.

“I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters,  you were doing it to Me.”
*Matthew 25:40*

---

This post was written by Jazz, Intern at NDFH September 2010- September 2011

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

The following post is excerpts from my journal in China. 

 

July 4^th, 2008

“She slept, cuddled against my chest, when the car stopped. We were at a different hospital, this one more crowded than the last. It was packed- and the conditions shocked me. Poor Liu Yi just slept in my arms. Amy and the nurses talked, and then the nurse came up to me and motioned for me to put her in her arms. Time stood still. I wanted to run out the door. Leave her here?! No way. But then I looked down… her fingers, toes, nails and head are blue she is so sick. So I wrapped her blanket a little tighter around her, and then very, very slowly handed her over. The nurse came back a little later, and gave me the blanket.

I’m so worried about her. She’s so precious. One of the most beautiful children I’ve ever seen. If only her heart would get better. She has the 2^nd most serious case at New Day- only a few doctors in the world can do the surgery required. I’m just praying she’s okay tonight & comes home soon….”

July 8^th 2008

“Liu Yi is having heart surgery THIS WEEK at the original hospital! The chief of staff talked with Grace on the phone and decided to expedite her surgery. Thank you God. What a miracle.”

July 16^th, 2008

“Today I went to the hospital with Ben and Peter from 8:30-7. It was a long day, but I was updated on Liu Yi! Her surgery went long- but well. They haven’t closed up her chest yet, just to make sure everything is functioning okay. I don’t want to leave…”

July 17th, 2008

"How sad I am now leaving just show’s how happy I was the past three weeks, and confirms in my heart that this kind of work is what I want to be doing for the rest of my life, so I can help all the Julia’s and Liu Yi’s around the world. No matter what their special need, they all have a joy in them that has completely changed my life. It’s like that verse, “So we do not fix our eyes on what is seen, but unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. “ Though they may have a special need now, their big personalities and strong will far outweigh it. And besides, it’s temporary. Their joy and light they bring to this world that touches so many lives around them is what I have had the privilege of seeing this week. And that is eternal."

Her Fingers

Asking Gan Lu to take these pictures of me holding Paige was the smartest thing I ever did. Paige was alternating between squeezing my finger, and playing with my necklace. She always did love playing with jewelry. I think that I wore it just for her, because I knew that she would be so pleasantly entertained...

Paige loved to squirm. She loved to hold on tight.

She was holding tight to my finger, and I could see the blueness of it so clearly next to my healthy-colored skin. “Will you take a close-up?” I asked.

Oh, I’m so, so glad. Because when I look again at this picture I can feel it.

I can feel her hand around my finger once again. Holding tight.

Wordless Wednesday: Their Faces Today

Her Eyes

It was her eyes.

I saw her picture online, and something stirred deep within my soul. Those beautiful, almond eyes took me back four years and reminded me of the eyes of another little girl who captured my heart.

Do you see the resemblance?

Her name was Tabitha, her bio said. I read on. “Tabitha was diagnosed with heart disease (VSD, PDA, PAH).” And that’s when my heart sank.

You see, the little girl Tabitha reminded me of was Liu Yi, who also had a serious heart condition. She had been diagnosed with congenital heart disease-- PDA, PFO, enlarged heart and narrow pulmonary arteries, to be exact. And four years ago, I handed Liu Yi to a nurse at a hospital in China, not knowing that would be the last time I would feel the weight of her in my arms.

“God, please….” Was all I could manage to pray. I already assumed the worst. Then I got an email.

“It’s kind of a miracle…”, It said, “Tabitha no longer has PDA or PAH. We think she was healed on the way here.” Two of Tabitha's three heart conditions had been healed.

Oh, how little faith I have. How quickly I forget the lessons God has taught me, the blessings He’s poured out, and the miracles He performs.

Because Liu Yi’s four months here on earth were a miracle. In those four months, her every smile, every coo, every cry were all the sweetest blessings. Liu Yi’s physical heart may have been weak, but during those four months, her emotional heart knew what it meant to love before she went to rest in the arms of her Father, healed. And that is a miracle.

And now, even when I can’t find the words to form the prayer deep in my soul, God answers. He has already begun the miracles in Tabitha’s precious life.

But Tabitha is still in need of a miracle. She still needs life-saving heart surgery. She needs you.

So her blue fingers can turn pink, A miracle.

So she can learn to roll, then crawl, then walk, without having to stop to catch her breath. A miracle.

So one day, she can be placed into the loving arms of her own forever family, no longer an orphan. A miracle.

That day four years ago, I let go of Liu Yi, and ultimately placed her in the arms of Jesus.

And today, I am placing Tabitha in your arms, and asking you to help fight for her miracle.

Paige's Story

She was bundled up, and all I saw was that adorable tuft of hair as she was carried upstairs.

 “Welcome to your new home” I thought. I didn’t know how much her life would impact mine, and if I had known… I wonder if I would have loved her differently, held her differently, or prayed for her differently.

I know that I would have taken more pictures. Sung more songs. Taken more walks with her around the backyard.

If I had known, I would never have left.

I was in the US, visiting relatives, when I heard that Paige’s heart had failed her. It pierced something inside of me that had never before been hurt. Because I knew Paige. For three precious months she had been my little “pixie." And I loved her. Of course I knew that she was sick, that she had a heart condition, but it never sunk in just how fragile her life was.

So Paige died, and the short life that she lived, from hindsight, looked all the more beautiful. She had been given the chance to be loved, and she soaked that up; giggles, wiggles and cuddles were apart of her life. She was just learning how to roll over, I remember, and she loved to suck her finger.

But despite the beautiful shear that being loved can envelop a life in, Paige's life can still look a whole lot like a tragedy. Only nine days in her mother's arms, and then left in a local park. Alone. Orphaned, probably because of her congenital heart disease. I wish that I could understand why.

Paige touched me. I fell in love with this little girl. I had no idea when I first started loving her that she would not live to see this day, her birthday. Knowing what I do know now, I would do it all over again.

She is in heaven now, and that part of me that had been pierced -my heart - was hurt for the better. It was hurt for the cause of the fatherless, the helpless and the hopeless.

I thought that I knew how to love, to love people and to love God, but when Paige died something happened. I was forced to the decision of either turning a deaf ear to His lullabies of healing and believe the lie that He didn't care, or to love Him. I was forced to choose between a God who stood by as death stole the lives of the loved, or the God who was holding the one I loved as she took her last breath, and who then cried ten thousand more tears that I.

And when I chose to love the God who is good, He did something to my heart. Healed it? Transformed it? Whatever it was, He gave me a burden to love and fight for the broken.  

To love dangerously.

It's been the hardest, the most heartbreaking and the most fulfilling and God-filled thing that I've ever done.

So you see, loving Paige was worth it.

To be honest, celebrating Paige's life is hard. I want her to be here with me to celebrate. I want to cradle her in my arms and tell you all about how her life changed mine, and about how His love for the little ones is nothing like you could ever imagine.

But because Paige cannot be here today, I will hold and cuddle and sing and fight for and love Lydia, my angel. She has the I've-been-battling-pneumonia-my-whole-life hair cut just like Paige did. That same fair skin... and she sucks her fingers too.

Will you be a part of the miracle?

Be A Part of the Miracle

I've heard many times, "You can't save them all."

But that should never be an excuse for not helping the one person God puts on front of you. Because that's how miracles happen. 

 Will you share this video and be a part of the miracle?

Happy Birthday, Paige!

Happy 1^st birthday, my little Pixie.

Today you would have turned one. I would have carried you down to the preschool room, decorated with streamers, chairs lined up in a row at the long table. The chalkboard would have said, “Happy First Birthday Paige!” Many of your sponsors would have been there. They all would oooh and ahhh over your delicate white skin, big eyes and that sweet tuft of hair. Maybe their foreheads would crease with worry when they saw just how blue your little fingers were… But they all would love you.

Your turn would be first, Paige. The candle would be lit, and you, sitting in my lap before the fancily decorated cake, would stare with wide eyes as they sang to you. Then, twelve 2 year-olds would help you blow out the candle, and your nanny would quickly smear some frosting onto your face. It’s your first birthday, after all.

We would have remarked and amazed that you survived it this far, because it would have been a miracle.

But Paige? Even though you didn’t make it to your first birthday, even though your heart decided to stop and your weak, little body failed you six months ago… you’re still a miracle.

You’re a miracle in the way that you taught love, and in the way that you loved.

You’re a miracle, because you did make it. Your physically broken heart survived for six months, and that’s incredible. Because your life, for those short six months, was full.

And so, my little Pixie, I am going to celebrate today, your first birthday. I am going to celebrate it by fighting for another pale-skinned, broken hearted, tufted-hair angel.

Because, just like you did, Paige, Lydia needs a new heart.

Lydia needs to have heart surgery, and I’m determined to make that happen. The surgery will cost about $8,000. Will you help me celebrate Paige’s life by giving Lydia a chance at one of her own?

You can donate through Paypal on the Chipin in the upper right-hand corner. The money donated will go straight to New Day Foster Home, where Lydia lives. If you would like to donate through check, please e-mail hannah@newdaycreations.com for instructions.

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The Story of Liu Yi

Monday, she would have been four.

I was 16 years old and volunteering at New Day Foster Home, when I was asked if I would like to help bring a baby girl, Liu Yi, home from the hospital. Of course I said yes.

When I walked into the room, this was my first glimpse of her.

What I didn’t know at the time was that she had severe scoliosis, and an even more severe heart condition. I didn’t know that she was four months old, because she looked the size of a newborn. I didn’t know that she was fighting for every breath.

What I did know was this- I loved her.

And I would be forever changed because of it.

I can’t really describe how deeply I came to love Liu Yi over those next few hours. I felt as if I could physically feel my heart swell in my chest with every passing second; this love was truly God given. Liu Yi was beautiful, and amidst the pain she was in, she still smiled- a smile that not not only lit up a room, it lit up my heart. But as I held her in my arms, singing lullabies and whispering prayers over her, I noticed how blue she was. Her fingertips, feet, precious toes, and her little lips were so, so blue. She was struggling for every breath. It was in that moment that I think I realized just how sick my sweet Liu Yi was. I also realized something else.

She was not just a statistic. So often I would hear stories of orphans on TV at home, and after watching for a few minutes, change the channel. But I now understood what God had been trying to tell me for so long. These children were not just a face on a television screen. And as I held Liu Yi in my arms, struggling for her every breath…I could no longer change the channel.

She was God’s child. And God had always called me to love her… just as He loves us.

When we pulled up at another hospital I was confused. I was told we would not be returning to New Day, instead we were dropping Liu Yi off at another hospital where she would have her heart surgery. Even though it was amazing Liu Yi would finally have the heart surgery she so desperately needed, I was devastated to have to leave her. I traced her little face with my finger, wanting to remember her every feature. We got back out of the car, I wrapped her in the blanket a little tighter, gave her one last kiss, and handed her to the nurse. As we drove away… I knew I had left a big piece of my heart there with her.

That was the last time I saw my sweet Liu Yi. Liu Yi’s precious little heart was just too broken for the doctors to fix. So, as I was on my flight home to America, Liu Yi went home to heaven to be with our Father, her heart finally whole.

Loving Liu Yi hurt, and it was so dangerous. But I would do it all again in an instant. Because Liu Yi was worth it. Those four hours I spent with her will be four hours I treasure for the rest of my life. In those four hours, Liu Yi opened my eyes, and taught me how to love.

And now, in honor of Liu Yi, I am asking you to help two little girls, Tabitha and Lydia.

Just like Liu Yi, these two little girls are in desperate need of heart surgery. They need you.

Both heart surgery's combined cost $14,000. We will be raising money for the next month here on this blog, posting more stories, videos, and pictures. You can donate through the chipin button on the right sidebar. Will you help us?

By donating, you are not just giving money.

You are giving these precious baby girls a chance at life.

Because they are so worth it.

In Memory

Sweet Liu Yi, today you are four! Happy Birthday, little one. Today, I know you are playing with your Father. I cannot wait for the day when I finally feel the weight of you in my arms again. I love you.